THE ECHO

By Idowu Adeleke // Reporter

In these times of social disaster and sartorial turmoil, it can be hard to keep what really matters in mind—being an anti-capitalist. Here’s the step-by-step guide to living like an anti-capitalist, because you can hate inequity and keep your best interests in mind.

Obviously, the best anti-capitalists go to the protests and rallies in one’s city. The arduous trek to the rally will be taxing on those toes, so strap on those imported Cambodian slippers that are all the rage nowadays. I’m sure they were produced by equitably paid workers.

The best rallies are publicized. Make sure to bring your iPhone 17 Pro Max to the function. Can you believe that the cobalt rectangle in your hand was made almost entirely from resources from the Congo? How exotic! The Congo must be a fairly well-off place. Maybe after the rally it’d be best to book a one-way ticket to the suspected paradise.

Anti-capitalists get hungry. What better way to satisfy that hunger than by eating some good old-fashioned Swiss chocolate. As you take a bite of your Toblerone, aren’t you reminded of the lush cocoa beans used? How curious it is that Germany exports the most refined chocolate while Cote d’Ivoire is the leading supplier of cocoa beans. The relation is almost colonial!

Was this really an anti-capitalist day? In the end, capitalism is so ingrained in all that we do. Alternatives to capitalism have been unfathomable forms of national government because we have been reared in a capitalist universe. Mending the unfortunate consequences of late-stage capitalism may not happen in our lifetime. But, the most anti-capitalist thing you can really do is give your loved ones a hug. It’s cooperative, shares (emotional) resources, and, perhaps the most anti-capitalist part of all, it’s free!